The most important thing to remember early on, especially in those first few dates, is to remain present. Stay in the moment and just enjoy one another’s company. This is the easiest way to combat any anxieties or fears you have during the first few dates. 

First things first. Take a deep breath and relax. And remember, your specially-trained Matchmaker is here to help coach you through every step of the process. 

It’s Not a Date

I can promise you this—everyone has first date fears and jitters. So much so, that I often hesitate to even use the word date for a first meeting between matches.

Date has a romantic connotation, and while matchmaking is obviously a service for people seeking romance, it would be unrealistic to expect every single first date to end in a love connection. 

We can eliminate some of those first date fears simply by eliminating the word date. 

Your first setup with a new match should be quick; I always encourage my clients to have a short, 30-minute drink before committing to a dinner date. Whether you get coffee, a craft beer, a green juice, or a pre-dinner cocktail, keeping things short and sweet will help alleviate everyone’s anxiety. 

We alway encourage a 3 Date Rule, so after your first setup, you should go for an activity next. Sharing experiences is a natural way to start forming a bond, and it will help you both loosen up and have a little fun while you get to know one another.

When you sit across the dinner table from a complete stranger, it’s easy to notice and panic every time there is a slight lull in conversation. When people get nervous, they talk too much

When you’re actively participating in an activity together, those lulls are less noticeable and feel more natural. By the time you go on a dinner date, you’ll have plenty to talk about. 

It’s a Setup

Let’s face it, we all put an enormous amount of pressure on ourselves. In a high-stress situation, like the first few dates, that pressure often bleeds over and can cause damage if not kept in check.

Some go into every encounter with the opposite sex hoping it turns into marriage and a white picket fence. Others are so picky they will write their date off in the first 5 minutes for something trivial.

Both of these approaches are incorrect.

Let’s think about it from a business perspective. When you were a novice in your career, you didn’t go into every single job interview expecting to not only get the job, but to retire from that company. Alternatively, would you turn down your dream job because you didn’t like the break room?

Take the pressure off and just enjoy each other’s company.

Get Your Mind Right

You should go into every first date looking for three things you like, appreciate, or enjoy about the person. That’s it. Just three. But by focusing your efforts on finding positive traits in the person sitting across from you, you can overcome the silly things that put you in a negative headspace.

So you hated his shoes? If you’re really looking for lasting love, overlook the shoes. Does his lifestyle align with yours? Do you have similar goals in life? Did he make you feel safe and special? Did he match your sense of humor? Was he charming? Kind? Handsome? Punctual? Try to focus on the things about him you would like in a partner, even if you know he’s not a fit. 

Pay Attention to Red Flags

In addition to making a concerted effort to find three things of value, it’s equally important to gather information about the things you don’t like. Especially if those things enter into deal-breaker territory.

If you learn she has a pet you’re highly allergic to, that’s probably not going to be a long-lasting relationship.

Take mental notes.

Everything that happens between the two of you is data and information that will be helpful to your Matchmaker in facilitating your next match. Sharing three positives in addition to candidly discussing all the reasons you know he or she is not for you with your Matchmaker will help in your search to find love.

Even bad dates are good dates, because you learn what you don’t want, and so does your matchmaker. We use each and every interaction to fine-tune your profile, so that we can find someone who checks off your most important boxes.

Don’t Start Planning Your Wedding

Let’s say you’re matched with a wonderful woman. You meet up at a new smoothie spot and things go great. That weekend, the two of you play a round of golf together, and you take her to dinner later in the week.

It all goes better than you had hoped.

You’ve now had three very positive, promising interactions with a woman you’re attracted to and have common interests with. It’s impossible to keep the daydreams at bay.

This is where I urge you to pause and set realistic expectations. 

There is nothing wrong with being hopeful and dreaming of happily ever after. We all wish for that.

Dating can be and should be fun. It’s natural to have hope that this develops into a relationship filled with love and trust and acceptance, and all the things that Maslow told us humans need to survive.

Feel the butterflies. Get excited while you get ready. But, trust in the process, and don’t get ahead of yourself. Just take it one date at a time.

Allow love the opportunity to grow and develop naturally without any unnecessary pressure or stress. Stay present throughout each date, give it your undivided attention, gather data, and don’t get in your own way. If you are able to do all of this, you can overcome all of the fears you have going into the first few dates.