We have all received outdated, unsolicited, downright bad dating advice from friends, family, acquaintances, maybe even complete strangers. You know that nosey aunt who shares way too much information and inserts her opinion into everyone’s life? She says things like:
- Wait for your fairytale
- Play hard to get
- Wait 3 days to call
- Men make the first move
- Wait 3 dates to have sex
- If he’s mean to you, that means he likes you
- Small lies are okay
Don’t listen to that lady and her bad dating advice.
Rules are meant to be broken. It’s a new decade, so take all the bad bad dating advice you’ve been told throughout the years erase it from your memory.
There is an entire genre of self-help books dedicated to dating advice, much of which is solid, data-based research, but an equal amount is opinion-based and anecdotal. As they say, don’t believe everything you read.
Love is Magical
Soulmates, twin flames, love at first sight, happily ever after—these are the types of magical love we strive for from our very first bedtime story.
Real life love is much more practical. Don’t get me wrong, it has its magical moments when you swear the earth stops spinning. But true love, the kind that lasts forever, is a choice that must be made every single day.
Love is a verb as much as it is a noun.
The worst dating advice I ever heard was: If there is no chemistry on the first date, it’s not worth pursuing.
Attraction is not limited to our primal instincts, even though it may feel that way sometimes. As feelings of love and admiration develop, so does that magical, unexplainable spark.
Don’t write someone off right away. Some of our strongest matches have come from couples that we initially had to talk into going on a second date.
Remember the Three Date Rule!
Keep Conversations Light
We’ve talked about the opposite end of this spectrum: oversharing. You don’t want to share too much too soon, but you also don’t want to avoid meaningful conversations that occur naturally. As the relationship progresses, you should feel comfortable opening up about more sensitive topics like family goals, career dreams, and wishes for the future.
Imagine investing months into someone only to find out your goals for the future couldn’t be more opposite. You want to marry and raise a family, but she has different dreams.
By not defining the relationship and communicating your needs, you run the risk of wasting a lot of time dating people who aren’t a viable match.
Be Your Best Self
We’re taught to be on our best behavior in all new relationships, and it’s true—to an extent. On a first date, at a new job, or even with a budding friendship, it’s always important to put your best foot forward.
As Miranda Lambert put it, Hide your crazy and start acting like a lady.
But there comes a time in every new relationship, where both parties have to be vulnerable, let their guard down, and show their flaws. If this doesn’t occur, the connection will remain in surface-level acquaintanceship territory rather than growing into something deeper.
Often in new relationships, people will behave how they think their partner wants them to behave. This leads to a myriad of problems.
If you’re not behaving as you normally would, your partner doesn’t truly get to know you. She may fall in love with a false version of you. This often leads her to a sense of feeling defrauded. And you’re left feeling as if your partner never truly knew you after all.
In trying to be everything your partner wants, you’ll end up losing your sense of self.
Communicating one’s needs, expectations, and boundaries is key for building the foundation of any new relationship.
You’re finishing up dessert on your third date, when your partner suggests a bar across town for a nightcap. You know you have an important meeting first thing in the morning, but you don’t want to upset him, so you say yes. Unfortunately, while you’re sharing a drink an hour later, the mood has shifted. Now, you’re in your head, stressed out about the morning, and constantly checking your phone. Your date studies you closely for some sign of what caused the flip after dinner, but ultimately he’s left clueless.
If you had set boundaries and explained why you needed to go home after dessert, you could have both ended the night on a high note, excited for your next date.
Have you listened to bad dating advice in the past? It’s not too late to purge all that junk from your mind. Just remember, not all advice is good advice! When in doubt, ask your Matchmaker.