Find your 2022 Celebrity Muse
With the new year upon us, now is the perfect time to think ahead, plan, and envision an ideal romantic future.
What better way to gain inspiration than the celebrity couples currently gracing the most headlines.
These stars can’t seem to escape the limelight, so whether you follow them or not, it’s probable that you have an opinion or two.
From Kim Kardashian to Taylor Swift, celebrity relationships can reflect to us important relationship lessons. By observing these public relationships, both their successes and mistakes, we can learn important lessons on love.
Kim Kardashian and Pete Davidson
After her divorce with Kanye West, Kim Kardashian has been focused on herself and growing her business.
Despite the heartbreak, Kim has been busy. In the past months, she has expanded her loungewear collection, Skims, landed a collaboration with the luxury brand, Fendi, hosted Saturday Night Live, and, most recently, she even passed the mini bar exam.
As a CEO, reality TV star, law student, and mother of four adorable children, you could say that Kim is the type of woman capable of doing it all.
Despite her very public separation from Kanye West, Kim has kept up with regular public appearances. While her husband is notoriously candid about the details of their impending divorce, Kim remains mostly tight-lipped, dignified, and discrete about the intimacies of their relationship.
Recently, however, Kim let her love life be back in the spotlight when she was seen paired up with comedian Pete Davidson.
Despite the pair stealing a kiss on Saturday Night Live, they weren’t officially linked together until Kim was seen holding hands with him on a ride at Universal Studios.
Since then, the pair have been several times out in public, allowing the world to weigh in their opinions in this surprising coupling.
Their difference in age, Kardashian being 41 and Davidson, 28, raises eyebrows on social media, with many labeling Pete as Kim’s post-Kanye rebound. For the most part, however, the public agrees that Kim seems happy in this new relationship. Whether it will last or not, no one can say. After a stressful breakup, perhaps being with easy-going Davidson is just the kind of relationship Kardashian needs.
This relationship shows that Kim does not believe that she should have to wait a certain amount of time to move on after a breakup or divorce. That relationship myth is completely untrue. If you, like Kim, are coming out of a breakup or divorce, don’t withhold yourself from finding happiness in a new love. As long as you are happy and are emotionally ready, go for it and move on!
Taylor Swift and Joe Alwyn
You don’t have to be a fan to agree that Taylor Swift knows a thing or two about love and heartbreak. As one of pop music’s biggest stars, Swift’s love life has continually maintained its prominence as a hot topic in pop culture.
With the recent re-release of her album, Red, the world has turned their attention back to Swift’s old flames, specifically the failed relationship between her and Jake Gyllenhaal.
The relationship and breakup between Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal was already highly publicized at the time, and further scrutinized by the public with the release of the album that was largely inspired by the downfall of their relationship.
However, that relationship was years ago. Since then, Swift has found love and stability in her current partner, British actor, Joe Alwyn. Unlike her other relationships, which were highly publicized and scrutinized by the media, Swift has held this relationship close to her chest. Her relationship with Alwyn is very private, with the couple only making a handful of public appearances together to date. It is this discretion that is perhaps what’s allowed their relationship to endure their scrutiny of public opinion.
Swift and Alwyn also often work together, with Alwyn co-writing a few songs from her latest album, “Evermore.” Swift has been very vocal about their creative compatibility, saying they just “get each other.”
This relationship shows that sometimes, keeping your relationship low-key is the right choice to make it succeed. While we might not have the star status of Miss Swift, we can still follow her lead by learning to keep some parts of our relationship private. We can also take note that it’s important to find a partner that feeds your creative side and understands you at a deep level.
Zendaya and Tom Holland
These two Hollywood starlets have been stirring up romance rumors ever since starring each other in the Spider-man franchise. Their on-screen romance got fans talking, but it wasn’t until recently that the couple made their relationship official.
After years of public speculation, they now share subtle flirtations on social media, openly gush about each other during interviewers, and appear together on the red carpet.
Their relationship shows that sometimes, a slow burning romance can turn into flaming passion. After years of working together, the pair have been spotted stealing smooches in the car. As Hollywood’s latest ‘It Couple,’ it’s obvious they can’t quite seem to get enough of each other.
The relationship between Zendaya and Tom Holland shows that sometimes the best relationships start as friendships. If you’re sensing a romance blooming between you and a friend, remember not to rush things and take things slow. When two people are right for each other, true love is worth the wait.
Will and Jada Pinket-Smith
One of Hollywood’s favorite couples, Will and Jada’s love has lasted years—however, not without their fair share of scandals.
The two actors met in 1994 when Pinkett Smith auditioned for a role on The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. The show’s star, Will Smith, apparently couldn’t keep his eyes off of her, despite already being married to his first wife, Sheree Zampino.
Smith stayed faithful in his marriage, but it wasn’t long before the pair divorced, allowing him to openly pursue Jada.
The pair quickly began dating and didn’t wait long to make their relationship known to the public. In 1997, the two were married, with Pinkett Smith being three months pregnant at the time of their wedding.
Between an Oscar nomination, starring in a movie together, and the birth of two children, their marriage was filled with success.
In 2013, the couple opened up about a new phase in their relationship. After countless rumors of affairs, Pinkett Smith alluded to the fact that the pair had entered into an open marriage.
Most recently, the pair again made headlines when Pinkett Smith was romantically connected to R&B singer, August Alsina. After nonstop buzz regarding the alleged affair, Pinket Smith decided to address the rumors on her talk show, Red Table Talk. After famously dismissing her fling with Alsina a brief “entanglement,” Pinkett Smith assured the public that she and her husband were still together and more secure in their relationship than ever.
While a bit unorthodox, the relationship between Will and Jada has withstood the test of time. Despite the many opinions about their marriage, the pair continue to present themselves publicly as an united family unit. They are an example that, as long as there is clear, open, and honest communication and expectations between each partner, what a couple decides is best for their relationship is their own prerogative.
New Year’s Resolutions? 5 Dating Habits to Drop in 2022
Did you hear the news? The iconic Times Square Ball Drop is back this New Year’s Eve, allowing in-person guests for the first time since the pandemic.
Like many years before, viewers from across the country will be tuning in, gathering ‘round, and counting down the seconds to the live ball drop. Commemorating the past and celebrating the future, this cherished event is a wonderful way of welcoming in the coming change of the new year.
In honor of this iconic annual event, we’ve come up with a list of resolutions to drop–that is, to eliminate–out of your routine for 2022.
Based on the scientific research within Dr. Terri L. Orbuch’s book, Finding Love Again, we’ve rounded-up a list of five common culprits that are proven to either make or break a date.
Ready for this to be your best dating year yet? Here are our top habits to DROP in 2022.
Drop: Believing in Relationship Myths
Even Aphrodite herself would agree with this one–when it comes to setting ourselves up for relationship success, it’s important to face the facts.
According to Dr. Orbuch, there are some relationship and dating myths that are just as harmful to achieving our dating goals as they are widely accepted in society.
Often reinforced by Hollywood, the media, or well-intentioned friends, these popular misconceptions often cost us the opportunity to form long-lasting relationships.
This new year, stop setting unrealistic expectations for your love life by dropping the myths.
Drop: The Emotional Baggage from Your Past
Every new year is a subtle reminder that, whether we like it or not, time is moving on–and we should, too.
Whether you can’t stop thinking about your ex, or still hurt from the pain from past relationships, carrying the weight of what was will only get in the way of accepting the good that is still to come.
Take time to heal the mountains of hurt in your heart and stop checking up on your previous partners. These habits only get in the way of finding happy, healthy relationships in the future.
If you’re still holding on to emotional baggage from your past, 2022 is your year to let go.
Drop: Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places
Contrary to popular belief, the best place to meet someone is not at a bar or a party.
According to the research in Dr. Orbuck’s book, Finding Love Again, the majority of the married couples she studied met while going about their normal, daily routines. Whether through mutual friends, work, social settings–like church or sports games–or serendipitously bumping into one another at the grocery store, the most compatible couples tend to meet in everyday circumstances.
While online dating has risen in popularity over the years, it still remains a risk towards users’ safety, energy, and money.
Our advice?
Stop wasting time swiping left and drop the disappointing dates for good. You’ll have a higher chance of finding love by skipping the bars and, instead, simply focusing on yourself. However, if you really want to increase your odds at finding love, call in the professionals.
Drop: Your comfort zone
Research shows that in times of stress, sadness, or unhappiness, our brains find the most comfort in old routines.
Viewing the familiar as safe and secure, it’s easy to slip back into old habits that aren't necessarily in line with the future we imagine for ourselves.
If you’re just coming out of a breakup or a tough period, and find yourself slowly slipping into a rut of familiarity, it’s time to make a plan of action.
So, instead of unwinding after a long day by binging your favorite shows on Netflix, take a moment to reflect on your life and the goals you’d like to achieve this year. List them on a piece of paper, along with the specific steps you’ll have to take to achieve each goal.
For example, if your 2022 goal is to make more friends, write down some activities that will help you to get yourself out there. Volunteering, attending workshops, or trying out for an amateur sports league are all great ways to network.
When you’ve finished your list, pin it somewhere in your space that’s highly visible. That way, each time you pass by, your list of goals will be impossible to miss.
As the year goes on, try to take a few minutes a day to reflect on the goals you set out for yourself. Be sure to hold yourself accountable. Are you taking the steps that you promised you’d take?
If you want to make the most out of 2022, create a plan of action and stick to it.
Drop: Finding your own dates
We’ve already covered where to stop looking for love–but what if you stopped the search entirely?
Look, dating requires a lot of work–from getting ready for the event, to getting to know the other person… not to mention just finding someone to go out with in the first place!
What if you could stop swiping, stop searching, and still go out with quality, like-minded singles?
Matchmakers make it possible. We do all the work for you, allowing you to drop the dating games and dedicate all that extra time and energy for yourself.
Stop exerting your emotional energy with players who aren’t interested in anything more than casual dates. All of our clients at The Setup are commitment-minded and serious about finding the right long-term partner for their lives.
With a matchmaker, you can date with ease, knowing that each potential match has been screened, interviewed, and hand-selected based on your core values and preferences.
New Year, New You
Whether you’re watching the Ball Drop, celebrating with friends, or counting down for a kiss with your special someone, be sure to reign in the new year with your intentions set clearly ahead.
This new year, it’s time to date smarter, not harder. Don’t stress yourself out with making momentous resolutions. You can make just as big of an impact on your love life by dropping a handful of harmful habits and switching them out for something better.
How Covid Changed Love and Dating
How the Pandemic Changed What We Value in Love
A couple years ago, if you would have asked any one of Savannah’s friends who was the biggest “party animal” in their group, with no hesitation, it would have been her name boldly declared. Wild, playful, and a self-described “social butterfly,” Savannah was proud of being the go-to girl to call for an impromptu night on the town, a last-minute road trip to the beach, or just a round of drinks after a grueling day at the office.
Though she dreamed of one day falling in love, between work, friends, and the occasional fling, there wasn’t much room left for meeting real, serious men. Plus, ‘settling down’ sounded a lot like being ‘tied down,’ and she valued her independence far too much for that.
Then came COVID-19. Savannah’s daily routine changed drastically overnight, permanently shattering the spontaneous and lighthearted life she had loved to live.
Thinking things would eventually return to “normal,” Savannah kept up (as close as she could) with her old habits--however, girls' night on Zoom just didn’t feel the same without the stilettos.
After seeing the sickness and struggles experienced by friends, family, and the world, Savannah’s philosophy of “work hard, play harder” suddenly stopped making so much sense. Trapped alone in her apartment and with more free time than ever, she began to reflect on her values, goals, and how to create a fulfilling future.
After what seemed like an eternity, life began to resume to some level of normalcy. Curfews lifted, work returned to office, and all her favorite spots were up-and-running, again. The city called her to step back out into the hustle and bustle.
But, Savannah’s priorities had changed. Now, she craved connection, hoping to find someone special, safe, and real.
Shaking Up the Dating Game
Every year, Match releases its study, Singles in America, surveying thousands of singles like Savannah, between the ages of 18 and 98.
In the midst of a pandemic, this year’s report revealed some revolutionary insights into the psyche of the singles.
To say that Savannah, and others like her, experienced some changes during the pandemic would be the understatement of the century. Marking a monumental shift in modern history, COVID-19 has given way to nearly two years of instability, loss, and fear of the unknown, forcing many of us to reexamine the parts of our lives that, before, we took blissfully for granted.
Though we can’t quite say it has all been doom and gloom. In the face of adversity, singles have somehow managed to find a silver lining in the coronavirus-shaped cloud.
Whether to distract themselves from the nonstop negativity on the news, or just to fill their time after a pandemic-induced lay-off, 68 percent of Millennials took up new hobbies during these dark days.
Turns out, Savannah was not the only single to shake up their thinking this past year. When it came to putting things in their proper place, 72 percent of singles said they’re finally prioritizing the right things in life, like mental and physical health.
Put simply, singles made the most of 2021. Coming out of the pandemic as better versions of themselves, it’s safe to say this dose of singles are more eligible than ever.
Virtual Meets Reality
Nearly no aspect of life was immune to the consequences of the virus--love and relationships being no exception.
Thanks to social distancing, many singles found themselves stuck at home instead of out on the roam. Either impossible or too risky to meet their crushes in person, the cultural consensus of ‘dating’ begged to be redefined.
Like a knight in shining (disinfected) armor, a new influx of video chat technology ushered its way into lives to successfully save our dates.
Thus, the video date quickly cemented itself as a common courtship courtesy for a quarter of singles during the pandemic, with half of younger singles insisting to meet virtually before in person.
So, anyone can go on a Facetime date, but what about experiencing real love?
Turns out, you don’t have to be in the same space as someone to feel a spark in the air, with 78 percent of singles having felt romantic chemistry during a video date.
Still not convinced? According to nearly half of Gen Z and Millennials, you can fall in love over a video date. Long-distance daters, rejoice!
So, if you're single and suffering from pandemic-induced Zoom fatigue (yes, it’s a thing), a romantic video date with your special someone might be just the thing you need.
Maturity Matters, Looks Don’t
Needless to say, amongst local restrictions, life-threatening illness, and worldwide uncertainty, looks tended to take a back seat during the pandemic. With the most exciting adventure in town being a run to the supermarket, most people stayed home, alone, and in pajamas.
After endless lockdowns and social distancing at home, dressing up felt more like more of a chore than taking out the Tuesday trash. Aesthetically, comfort took control in our choice of clothing, with loungewear, athleta-leisure, and sneakers seeing a huge spike in sales. And, with masks covering half of our faces, makeup trends were quick to ditch the contour sticks and focused, instead, on a more natural, simple look.
Thanks to the habits we picked up during the pandemic, the trend towards inner beauty was well on it’s way. However, it wasn’t until some of our most cherished celebrity crushes began to publicly question the necessity of personal hygiene, that the hotness hierarchy finally fell to its knobby knees.
With that, it became official: looks are out, maturity is in.
“Following any traumatic event,” Match reports, “we often look for partners who are stabilizing, regardless of whether or not they have a six pack. This psychological effect leads us to surround ourselves with people and social contexts that feel genuinely safe.”
Emotional security suddenly became the new sexy.
Before the pandemic, if you would have asked your single friends how they ranked physical attractiveness in a list of desired qualities in a mate, almost everyone would put 'hotness' at the very top. This year, however, only 78 percent considered it an important quality at all.
While physical attractiveness might temporarily catch the eye, qualities like being open-minded, accepting, and a good communicator are what makes a partner truly show-stopping.
Covid Killed the Hookup
With all this emphasis on emotional security, is there any room left for keeping things casual? According to singles, not much.
Today, only 11 percent of single people are interested in casual dating.
“We’re not saying one-night-stands are gone for good,” says the Match report, “but they’re definitely on the decline.”
Were social distancing restrictions to blame? Maybe. But, catching the COVID-19 cooties didn’t sound very appealing, either.
When it came to taking seriously their role in stopping the spread of the virus, Millennials and Gen Z understood the assignment.
Both generations are known for their passion for improving society; so, it makes sense that amongst a global pandemic, the young, wild, and free were more careful with their mingling.
Interestingly, 75 percent of singles, both young and old, are vaccinated. Considering the wider social opportunities and lesser risk of infection, in the times of corona, getting the pinch could mean a greater shot at love.
For all it’s chaos and instability, the pandemic also provided singles with an opportunity to slow down, work on themselves, and reflect about what they really want out of their lives.
Not interested in risking their health for something not serious, pretty quickly, the flirty flings just stopped cutting it.
Marriage-Minded
What does the future hold for modern singles? According to Match, marriage!
Now, more than ever, singles want meaningful, steadfast and committed relationships.
In the world’s current state of instability, nothing’s more appealing to singles than having a solid sense of security at home. Committing to a reliable, trustworthy, and long-lasting partner is just the sort of stability singles, like Savannah, are searching for right now.
Over the past two years, all singles report 20 percent higher interest in marriage, with men more interested in marriage now more than ever.
So, if you’re single with marriage on your mind, now is the time to get yourself out there.
Not sure where to start? If you’d like to meet like-minded, quality, commitment-minded singles, sign up today and we’ll set you up!
Single Survivor Guide for Thanksgiving
Oh, Thanksgiving. The annual Fall feast of gratitude and gravy is right around the corner. As a kid, it used to be one of my favorite holidays—a long weekend off of school, watching football with my uncles, and the smell of mom’s warm pecan pie filling the kitchen air.
Nowadays, however, this time of year can be a bit tricky, especially for singles. If you’re a perpetual Thanksgiving loner, this season can be downright depressing.
Find yourself dreading showing up dateless to this year’s festivities? Check out my four favorite tips for surviving this Thanksgiving as a singleton.
Prepare your answer: “Are You Seeing Anyone?”
If you’ve been alone for a hot minute, maybe you’ve experienced that brief moment of despair while looking into the mirror and thought to yourself: “Why am I still single?”
Trust me, we’ve all been there. It’s hard wondering why you still haven’t found The One, but absolutely nothing compares to the searing sting that’s felt when someone else says it to you—especially a family member.
So, how can you deal with those well-intentioned, yet, annoying questions and remarks you’re bound to hear from your family? Unfortunately, the answer is NOT to hit your great-aunt Bertha over the head with a Turkey wing.
Before crafting the perfect response, it’s important to remember that your nosey loved ones probably mean well.
Take their prying as thickly-veiled compliments, as they couldn’t imagine why someone as young, attractive, and fun as you could continue going solo. After all, they just want the best for you.
It’s also entirely possible that their questions are just a way for them to stir up some small talk, trying to catch up with your life—“How’s work? Seen any good movies lately? Oh, by the way, where’s your date?”
No matter the motivation, questions about your love life are… uncomfortable, to say the least—especially if they’re always asked by the same few people or delivered in the form of some kind of recurring joke.
Let your family know that, despite being single, you’re not depressed. In fact, you’re happy! If they sense that you’re enjoying life, they might slow down a bit with their concerned comments, allowing you to redirect the conversation towards more interesting aspects of your life.
To show off your confidence, you can say:
“I’m having such a blast on my own right now. Did you hear about my last-minute trip to Mexico?”
“Maybe someday I’ll meet someone, but right now I’m rocking the single life!”
Feeling snarky? Here’s a few responses that turn the tables around and put that pesky prober in their place:
“Yeah, I'm still single! I’m just not willing to settle like most people do.”
“Hmm. I’ve never thought about it, actually. Why did you get married?”
Host a Friendsgiving
The idea of confronting your rude relatives is still too much to handle? Maybe it’s time to skip the family feast and apt for a Friendsgiving instead.
Whether it’s to flee from the family theatrics, or to enjoy a sense of community while far from home, this holiday alternative is a favorite for singles still in the mood to celebrate.
Modern life has pulled millennials in all sorts of directions, and oftentimes, that means living alone and far from home. However, being a family-of-one doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy some family-style fun.
Many singles find that their friends offer just as much comfort and support as their relatives, if not more. Hosting a Friendsgiving is a perfect opportunity to show your closest circle just how much they mean to you.
Whether you’re an experienced entertainer or first-time friendsgiver, it’s best to plan ahead. Let your pals know ASAP so they can carve out the time for turkey. When it comes to decor, keep it simple. If you’re in the mood to splurge, focus on the food.
Feel free to pick a culinary theme that’s totally untraditional (this is Friendsgiving, after all. Anything goes). Yet, keep in mind your guests’ preferences. All your friends are health nuts? Try plant-based versions of the holiday’s staple plates. Are they world-traveling, Insta-influencers? Prepare foods from around the globe and ask your friends to guess their origins. Those who choose correctly get to take home a goody bag of treats!
While cooking can be a fun part of the evening’s preparation, it’s also a lot of work. No one will judge you if you opt for take-out, instead. This is a holiday for you, too. So, make sure you enjoy it. Friendsgiving can be just as fun by ordering in some Uber-Eats and watching reruns of The Office with your besties.
Plan a Special Activity
If you’re new to a city or, for some other reason, find yourself single and alone on Thanksgiving—don’t worry. There are still tons of ways to make the fourth Thursday of the month worth remembering.
Most people get the holiday off work so, I’ve got to ask: wanna get outta here? Whether a quick jet-set to Europe or exploring a neighboring town, a long weekend is just enough time to get your Eat, Pray, Love on. It might sound crazy, but why not? Traveling solo can be even more rewarding than going with friends. Plus, you never know what kind of cool and interesting people you might meet.
If traveling isn’t possible or just not your thing, why not sign up for a Turkey Trot? Most major cities host annual Thanksgiving runs with varying distances from 5k, 10k, and sometimes marathons.
If you’re like me, Thanksgiving is synonymous with lounging on the couch in a cranberry sauce-stained sweater while watching the Macy’s Day Parade on TV—basically the antithesis of any sort of physical exertion. However, getting your buns out of bed early Thursday morning and heading off to the races might be just what the doctor ordered.
A bit of exercise and fresh air can be even better for the soul than Grandma’s special stuffing. Even if you’re not athletically inclined, there is something undeniably wonderful about being part of a large group of people that are all running together towards a common goal. Talk about a sense of community!
For extra feel-goodness, try to find a race that supports a good cause, like Run to Feed the Hungry, for example, which raises funds and awareness about hunger in the community. With this marked on your calendar, you’ll look forward to the holiday with excitement, knowing that you’re doing something great for both yourself and others.
If beating the holiday blues with a runner’s high is simply not your thing, volunteering at a local charity center is an excellent way to spend the special day.
Studies show that volunteer work is great for combating depression, anxiety, and feelings of loneliness. There’s nothing like doing something special for others to put your own life in perspective. Research some local volunteer opportunities where you can donate your time or money for a good cause. By focusing on doing small acts of kindness, you will feel the true spirit of Thanksgiving.
Focus on the Positive
If you’re feeling lonely this Thanksgiving, remember: you’re not alone. The holidays can be hard, especially if you’re going through them without a partner by your side. At its core, Thanksgiving is about expressing our gratitude for the good in life and for those that we love the most. By focusing on the positive, you can do more than survive this Thanksgiving--you can enjoy it, too.
At The Setup, we want to help you through all the challenges of single life. But, if you’re serious about finding that special someone, these tips are just a temporary fix.
Ready for this Thanksgiving to be the last holiday you’ll attend alone? ‘Tis the season to make a change. To meet your special someone by Christmas, sign up today!
Third Time’s a Charm: How the 3 Date Rule Makes Dating a Breeze
Here at The Setup, we’re dedicated to giving you the tools of empowerment you need for the sometimes scary journey that is dating. Dating should be something easy and fun. However, self-sabotage and bad advice are two common hurdles that get in the way of building successful relationships.
Let’s break down some dating strategies and figure out how to start a fun and fruitful dating journey.
What's the first thing anyone can do when beginning this journey?
Speak to professionals. Where do you normally go for dating advice? Most often, people seek dating tips from their friends, family members, or even co-workers. Though they mean well, they usually end up giving bad advice.
For example, if you're speaking to grandparents about dating, there is the possibility that they’ve not dated within this century. Dating dynamics have changed drastically in the last 10 years. Now, throughout quarantine and the global pandemic, we've seen even more drastic changes within the dating industry.
Evidence show that nowadays, people are more anxious, lonely, and stressed than ever. Both quarantine and remote work are two recent factors that have caused otherwise content singles to consider coupling up quickly. Many people currently feel immense pressure to find love and companionship and therefore try to take a fast track into relationships.
If you’d like to avoid any more unnecessary confusion, worry and stress throughout your dating process, our best advice is to speak to the right people from the get-go. Seek advice from professionals who have the credentials to back up what they're saying.
The Magic Number 3
We’re all aware of the many dating strategies that have floated in and out of popularity. Which ones actually work?
3 Day Rule
The “3 Day Rule” goes like this: after you finish a date with someone you must wait three days until you call them back. By waiting this amount of time, you supposedly appear less desperate and more attractive to the other person.
This strategy essentially tunes into the idea of playing “hard to get.” However, in modern dating this strategy is no longer relevant nor effective. If anything, it is more harmful to your dating journey.
Quite counterproductively, this strategy paints you as uncertain, hesitant, or uninterested. No longer do we live in a time where romance goes slow. Allow yourself the indulgence of dating and communicate with your potential partner freely. Don’t bind yourself within this outdated rule.
The modern dating world does not fare well with the “3 Day Rule.” This unhealthy method of beginning a relationship often ignites thoughts of insecurity and doubt in your date.
So, do yourself a favor and leave this “strategy” in the past.
Wait Until Date 3 To Get Physical
The idea behind this strategy is that after date three it is acceptable to become intimate with the person you are dating. It insinuates the idea that you are finally good enough to not be abandoned or thought of as “loose” because you waited three dates.
Countless amounts of research and years of expertise proves that this idea can be emotionally dangerous. By placing too much pressure on the relationship too soon, many partners find themselves feeling unnecessarily anxious and begin to overthink almost immediately in the relationship.
By the third date you are more than likely just beginning to truly understand the person your date, still figuring out if the feelings you have with them can spur into something deep and meaningful. Don’t get lost in the whirlwind of premature physicality—keep it cool and take things slow.
If you find yourself considering a third-date hooking up, take a moment to consider your long-term goals while dating. What do you really want? A fun night of lost inhibitions and pleasure? Or to genuinely get to know your date, understand their deepest desires, and maybe, if all goes well, build a future with them?
Getting physical early on might be fun, but it can also cloud your judgement as the relationship continues. For example, getting caught up in lust for the person could cause you to ignore major red flags or obvious differences in you and your date’s core values. While lust is an important aspect in dating it is impossible to build a lasting foundation from lust alone.
Our advice is to bury this strategy, and never look at it again. By taking out the pressure of intimacy, you allow your feelings to grow naturally for the other person. This will make your relationship stronger, your feelings deeper, and leave you with peace of mind.
3 Date Rule
The idea behind this strategy is to go on a minimum of three dates with your current match or possible partner before making the decision to continue/stop dating them.
The 3 Date Rule is a method to break unhealthy pressure and anxiety-based patterns that we have placed on ourselves in modern dating.
This strategy gives you a clear action plan to follow that takes off the pressure of early dating and give you steps to follow throughout your dating journey. It aims to help you understand the other person and yourself and see if there is a possibility of going steady.
There is no doubt in our mind that the 3 Date Rule benefits those who utilize it.
So, what is the 3-date rule, exactly?
Date 1: Keep it light
The first date should be light-hearted, focusing on simply getting to know each other. This means the date should not be more than 2 hours, and it should be in a less formal place such as a coffeehouse or brunch.
The modern “conveyor belt” type of dating—the quick interview-like conversation of back-and-forth questions—gives you no room to discover your match. Try to know a bit more than just a bullet point list of basic facts.
Keep the conversation light and keep an open mind!
Date 2: Have fun!
Find out if you can have fun together. Date two is about laughing. Focus more on values and hobbies.
The activity-based part of the second date will allow you to get to know this person while you're in a more comfortable and laid-back mood while your focus is on something else. Go bowling, hiking, mini golfing. Museums and sporting events are also great ideas.
Date 3: Wine and Dine
Get dressed up and go on a date dinner and a show. Allow this date to be where the romance steps in and takes the wheel. Lust can happen on date one, but date three is where you understand if that visual element can evolve into love.
Do you want to go steady?
After the third date sit down with yourself, process your feelings, and ask yourself: “Is this someone I can go exclusive with?”
Deciding to move forward with your date is the first step to building a strong, long-lasting foundation of forever. On the other hand, if you feel this person isn’t quite right for you, cut things off then and there. You can leave with confidence knowing that you tried your best, while refusing to waste time with an incompatible partner. Now, understanding your feelings and wants with more clarity, you can take what you’ve learned as you move into the next journey with your newest match.
Where did the 3-date rule come from?
There are only 12 Master Certified Matchmakers in the World—and Genevieve Gresset is one of the best. She has spent over 25 years coaching, mentoring, and matching single professionals all around the world.
Genevieve created the 3 Date rule when she noticed that her clients didn’t last more than 10 minutes into their first date. How? Having paired them based off their similar interests, relationship goals, and life values, Genevieve knew they should have matched better. She found, however, that many of her clients enter their dates with both anxiety and judgment, inhibiting them from investing in the opportunity before them.
When she began instituting the 3 Date Rule for her clients she found an immediate increase in long-lasting relationships and healthier connections between people leading to the majority of the first ground of clients getting married.
The Best Dating Strategy
Applying the 3 Date Rule by Genevieve has helped thousands of clients go out on more dates and find lasting relationship success.
Throw away those other tips that forces you to move slowly into a relationship— Genevieve suggests three dates within two weeks.
The method works by eliminating insecurity—the annoying, yet universal feeling that makes modern dating is so difficult. The 3 Date Rule keeps dates moving quickly, focusing on foundation-building and relationship investment while prioritizing maintaining a clear mind and feelings.
Here at The Setup, we do dating differently. We combine years of experience, face-to-face matchmaking, with coaching and a member portal full of exclusive content. We are here to ensure you have a fun, happy, and successful dating journey. Start at The Setup today!
3 Tips for Dating As a Single Mom
Dating as a single mom is tricky enough without all the bad behavior we see online these days. As a single mom, you tend to consider the impact felt by your children before you even pause to think about your own feelings, but you deserve love and happiness too!
You should be as honest with your kids as possible when you’re ready to put yourself back out there since your decisions affect them directly. Even when you know instinctively you’re making the right move—they won’t always react the way you hope. So, do your best to prepare them for the coming changes so they don’t feel quite so off-kilter if and when they meet their future step-siblings.
1. Manifest a Whole Family
Ron L. Dean, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, suggests you sketch out the silhouette of what your perfect family would look like. Don’t just manifest your dream date, go a little further. Imagine the ideal home you hope to create with this person.
Do you want more kids? Would your imaginary husband bring his own children into the relationship to create a blended family or is he flying solo? Is there a limit to the number of kids he has or the more the merrier? Are you open to having more children with him? How many?
Committing to this exercise will help you develop a blueprint in your mind. Keep in mind: this is only a guideline it will change overtime. This is meant to be a tool to help you discover what you want out of life, not to be used to get in your own way.
Lillian and Clay each have a son and a daughter from previous marriages. When Lillian drew up her ideal family, she decided she only wanted one more child, if any. When she met Clay, her plan evolved to include both of his children, and she was happy to become a mom of four. But she quickly found out that even her evolved family didn’t mesh with Clay’s vision for the future. You see, Clay has his heart set on having five biological children.
If you do the quick math, that would mean Lillian would need to have three more kids with Clay. I would never reveal a lady’s age, but she’s tip-toeing the line of what would be considered a geriatric pregnancy. Not to mention: the gap between her original goal of 2-3 kids and Clay’s desire for 5-7.
You know how they say sometimes love isn’t enough? If your dreams and your partner's dreams are in direct conflict with one another, and neither of you are willing to compromise—a breakup is imminent.
2. Trust Your Intuition
This guy has to mesh into your entire life, and that means your kids’ lives too. If you sense something is off between him and your children, don’t ignore it. You should expect some growing pains as you transition a new person into your lives, but don’t dismiss real red flags.
Unless you have a pre-arranged agreement with their father, there is no set timeline for when you should introduce a romantic partner to your kids. Every relationship is different, and every child is unique. Only you can know when it’s the right time to bring them together.
It can be hard introducing friends and family but introducing children is always more difficult and can be hard for all parties concerned and very nerve wracking. It is also the most important decision you can make. Only introduce children if you are 100% sure that the new relationship is stable and serious enough to warrant the introduction. It can be very unsettling for children if they are introduced to many potential partners, the children should not be used as part of the vetting process. They should be the most important ones to consider when making the introduction and if they are not ready to meet the new partner, don’t push it. Always work at the child’s pace.”
-Genevieve Gresset, Master Certified Matchmaker & Relationship Expert
You don’t want to rush it and introduce every single first date you go on. A revolving door of strange men can feel confusing and scary for a little one, especially if they get attached to guys who don’t stick around. On the other hand, you don’t want to find yourself head over heels in love just to realize your kids hate the guy. You have to find the balance that works for your family.
One single mom suggests introducing male companions to the kids as a platonic friend. That way you can see how they engage and interact with him without being confused. If everyone gets along and things continue to progress, you can explain that you’ve decided to move out of the friend zone toward a more romantic relationship.
3. Ditch the Single Mom Guilt
Take a deep, cleansing yoga breath.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Say this with me—I am a single mom, and I deserve happiness too. I’m allowed to feel sexy and take some time for myself. I’m going to treat myself to a new dress to wear on my setup.
Now pour yourself a glass of wine; you’ve earned it.
"Kids need a healthy relationship role model. There’s pressure for moms to be born-again virgins, and sacrifice everything for their children. While this might sound noble, children learn a lot by observation, and it doesn’t teach kids what a good relationship—or dating life—looks like. I never wanted my kids to choose to stay home because they worried about me being lonely. It’s important that kids don't feel responsible for their mother’s social life. Plus, going out without kids on occasion gave me more patience with them when we were home together."
-Lara Lillibridge, Author of Mama, Mama, Only Mama: An Irreverent Guide for the Newly Single Parent—From Divorce and Dating to Cooking and Crafting, All While Raising the Kids and Maintaining Your Own Sanity (Sort Of)
According to Lara Lillibridge, dating as a single mom is similar to what dating was like as a teenager. You occasionally sneak out after everyone’s asleep, with a babysitter, of course. And you don’t want to be overheard on the phone, or caught canoodling on the couch.
If single mom guilt keeps you on homework duty in the evenings and you can’t bear to be away from them, consider utilizing the time you don’t have the kids more efficiently. Plan dates when they’re with their father, at practice, or sleeping over at a friend’s house. Schedule lunches throughout the week while they’re at school. Get creative with your time management and the kids will never miss you!
Your First Trip as a Couple
Your first trip as a couple should be full of shared experiences and romantic moments. But it’s also typically filled with stress, excitement, and nervous energy, especially with all the COVID travel restrictions.
Experiencing new things together—places, food, art, culture, architecture, music—all of these things cause your brain to release all the happy hormones.
We all envision a romantic holiday with majestic sunrises and moonlit love-making, but when our expectations are too high, it leads to certain disappointment. Everyone has heard horror stories of the couple who fought their way across Europe or broke up on practically every island in the Caribbean.
So, how do you keep your dream vaca from becoming a nightmare?
It's Okay to be Different
Discuss what you both want to get out of your first trip as a couple. Do you want to rest and recharge or book a bunch of excursions? Maybe you’re dying to try bungee jumping but your partner has a fear of heights.
It’s okay to schedule separate activities and then come back together. You don’t have to share all the same likes and interests just because you’re in a relationship.
You’re a couple, not clones. Compromise where you can, and set aside alone time where you can’t.
- Planner or Wanderer
- Sleep Late or See the Sights
- Couples Massage or Mountain Climbing
- City or Country
- Museums or Amusement Parks
How will you communicate with each other when you want different things? If you work out these challenges before packing your bags, your first trip as a couple will go much smoother.
Your First Trip as a Couple is a Learning Experience
Whether it’s a staycation, or complete getaway, you can learn a lot about your partner and how you work as a team during your first trip as a couple.
When researching and preparing for this blog I read an article that said traveling together gives you a glimpse into what it would be like to live with the other person. This can be true to an extent, but I caution you to use this as your main frame of reference.
Personally, I’m a neat freak, except when I’m on vacation. I’m practically a different person. It’s not uncommon for people to modify their behavior when they’re outside of their daily routine. This is when people try new things, eat bizarre foods, and drink a little too much. And some of us just so happen to have suitcases that explode throughout the room. Sue me.
This is a great time to see how your partner deals with feeling anxious or out of control.
- How do they deal when things don’t go according to plan?
- What happens when you miss a flight or the airline loses your luggage?
- How do they treat locals, airline personnel, hotel staff, etc.?
- Do they get hangry and jet-lagged?
- What about language barriers?
- Are they unmoving and or flexible and patient?
You can also learn things like what their routine looks like; are they a morning or night person? How long do they take to get ready? Do you agree on the temperature in the room? Sure it sounds stupid, but ask any couple who has been married for decades and they’ll tell you the small things add up!
The Setup’s #DatingDictionary
#DatingDictionary
Dating has gone through a complete evolutionary renaissance in the last few decades, and with it comes an entire new #DatingDictionary. Even Webster adds new words every year!
I like to call it the Glossary of Ghosting.
Breadcrumbing
We’ve all been there. You’re really into someone new and they seem to like you too. Or is that just your imagination convincing you there’s a chance because you want it so badly?
They put a fraction of the effort in that you do. You’re always the one to call or initiate plans. If you’re honest with yourself, they flake on you pretty frequently.
But just when you feel completely fed up and decide you’re ready to move on, they drop little bread crumbs of affection to reel you back in. If you step back and examine things objectively, you’ll realize that you’re getting bottom of the barrel crumbs when you deserve so much more than that.
Catfishing
It’s a very broad term that can cover everything from completely fake online personas, to overly edited pictures. Although, sometimes lighter cases are referred to as Kittenfishing.
The bottom line is, be true to yourself and authentic both online and off.
Cuffing Season
Cuffing season begins toward the end of summer and lasts typically through Valentine’s Day. Cuffing someone means to lock them down in a relationship.
So cuffing season refers to the time of year when the party dies down and the weather cools off. It puts people in the mood to couple up and snuggle in for the winter, and guarantees a plus one for all Holiday activities.
Cushioning
This is when someone entertains the idea of dating other people while they’re in a relationship.
People often do this when they’re considering a break-up. They download the apps just to see what’s out there, or they flirt with a co-worker to find out if the grass is greener.
DTR
DTR stands for Define the Relationship.
This is that sweet spot after you’ve been talking to the same person for a while and you’re ready to figure out if there’s a future. Does this person want to date exclusively, or are they condemning you to a situationship?
Ghosting
Ghosting is the sudden, unexpected cease of all communication from one party within a relationship.
“He bailed on our plans last weekend and hasn’t texted me back in days. I think I’m being ghosted.”
Hatfishing
A lot of men reading this are probably guilty of hatfishing. It’s okay, this is a safe space. Hatfishing is when you use hats to hide your hair (or lack thereof) because of insecurities.
I can’t tell you how many dating profiles I’ve seen in which every single photo, the man is wearing a hat. Women want to see the real you, don’t hide under a cap.
And remember, bald is beautiful.
Haunting
Abby disappeared on Ryan last summer after they had been seeing each other pretty steadily. Hee just stopped texting her with no explanation. Today, out of nowhere he texted and said, “Hey stranger! I finally watched that movie you were telling me about, you were right!”
Ryan has returned from the dead.
NSA
NSA stands for No Strings Attached, also known as friends with benefits.
This is a sexual relationship without a romantic commitment. These terms are often used on dating apps by people who are involved in both ethically and unethically open relationships.
Orbiting
This is something that ghosts do. After they’ve disappeared, they start engaging with you on social media. They orbit your digital life to stay on your radar, but never commit to much more than that. It could be anything from liking your latest post, to sending DMs even though they left you on read and never called you back.
Polyamory
Also known as Non-Monogamy, Open Relationships, or Swinging, couples who engage in polyamory have romantic and/or sexual relationships with additional partners.
This type of relationship is not considered cheating, as all parties involved are aware of and consent to the sharing of partners.
Roster
I’ve also heard this called a lineup or benching. Others refer to it as going back to the Well. Whatever you call it, this is when you like someone enough to keep seeing them, but you have no plans to ever take the relationship to the next level.
This is someone you just want to have fun with. There’s nothing wrong with that, as long as you’re open and honest about your expectations.
Situationship
Do you have a friend you call whenever you’re super single and need a plus one for an event?
Maybe you kissed once on Midnight at a New Years Eve party after a few too many glasses of champagne, but you never really defined the relationship. Nevertheless you’ve remained in each other’s circles and the chemistry never falters when you’re together.
Congratulations, you’re in a situationship!
This word can really describe any romantic couple that hasn’t defined the relationship. They never use words like girlfriend or future. They have formed a casual connection that feels comfortable and fits their situation.
Stashing
Jason and Kylie have been talking for several months now, and they go out on a date most Friday nights. The weird thing is, Kylie’s never met any of Jason’s friends, family, or co-workers. They never stay out late, because Jason goes to his nephew’s soccer game and the whole family goes out to brunch every Saturday morning, but Kylie’s never been invited.
Jason is stashing Kylie away and hiding his real life from her. There are a myriad of reasons for doing this and not all of them are nefarious, but don’t you deserve better?
Talking
Every generation has their own vernacular from going steady to hanging out. When you say you’re talking to someone it’s just another way of saying you’re dating, but you haven’t defined the relationship yet.
Thirst Trap
This is when you post a really sexy photo of yourself online in the hopes of catching the attention of your crush.
The Top 4 Ways to Keep Romance Alive
There are only 4 words you need to know to keep romance alive. I call them the 4 P’s to Relationship Success—Prioritize, Plan, Play, and Participate.
1. Prioritize
People prioritize time and energy for the things and people that are important to them. Is your relationship at the top of your list?
Now, you don’t necessarily need to write down your priorities and rank them, but you’re certainly welcome to. Does finding a relationship rank up there with your career?
I would bet you work more than 40 hours every week. But let me ask you, how many hours are you spending really making your love life a priority? If you’re in a relationship—how much work do you do to keep romance alive between the two of you?
Good news! With The Setup, you don’t have to put hours of time and energy into your love life to make it a top priority. There’s no endless swiping or meaningless texting. Your Matchmaker does all the behind-the-scenes work to vet out any potential deal-breakers. We weed through all of the candidates to find the ones best suited to you, then we set you up!
2. Plan
In the Rom-Coms, there’s always a spontaneous meet-cute. On reality TV, the couple just happens upon a concert or hot air balloon while strolling through the park.
But those things don’t happen in real life.
A team of writers came up with that scenario. You never see the part where The Bachelor has to sign a waiver before climbing in the basket of a hot air balloon.
My point is, it takes a lot of planning to keep romance alive.
You don’t have to commission a yacht to plan a great date. A little goes a long way. Think about your partner’s Love Language and organize a day around filling their love tank.
3. Play
Couples who play together, stay together.
There’s a reason so many people say a sense of humor is an important factor when looking for a potential mate. In fact, being able to laugh at the same things, and create inside jokes makes a relationship even stronger, according to Dr. Jeffrey Hall.
Laughter is mother nature’s medicine. Try visiting a comedy club on your next date and see if it doesn’t help seal the bond.
Does your partner prefer physical activities? Try a trampoline park. Maybe they’re more on the competitive side? Learn a new obscure sport together. Do they enjoy embarrassing themself at Karaoke?
Plan something together you know they’ll enjoy, something that allows you to be silly together and get out of your day-to-day routine. Try to get out of your own comfort zone and try something new! They’ll appreciate your effort to keep the romance alive.
4. Participate
Speaking of effort. How much effort are you putting into the relationship compared to your partner? Are things pretty even or could one of you seriously pick up the slack?
Relationships are not passive. To succeed, they require active participation from both parties.
Love is an actionable verb. You have to wake up every single day and choose to love your partner. Play with them. Plan things to make them feel special. Make them a priority in your life, and you’re sure to keep romance alive.
Sex and Intimacy: How Soon is Too Soon?
Think back to that first time you met the person you’re talking to. Focus on the time you first felt butterflies in your stomach, that indescribable cosmic rush between your head, heart, maybe even your junk? Get ready, cause today is all about sex and intimacy!
It's a rush that can quickly advance one’s carnal desires early on in a relationship. Throw in a Pandemic and all the rules went out the window.
The words, new year, new you have never felt more accurate!
Sex and Intimacy
You’re both consenting adults; if you choose to experiment with sex and intimacy on the first date—you do you! Some say it’s a right of passage in a relationship to assess true physical compatibility. No one can deny the importance of sex and intimacy when it comes to building a romantic bond.
Maybe you’re both just ready to jump anything with a pulse after being in lockdown forever!
Many believe that determining your sexual chemistry before becoming exclusive is a necessary indicator of compatibility. However, there are others with fancy degrees and data who disagree.
Waiting Builds a Bond
Believe it or not, there is scientific data that supports waiting before jumping in the sack.
A study in the American Psychological Association’s Journal of Family Psychology surveyed 2,035 married couples. It found that the longer they waited to have sex in their relationship, the better the relationship was overall, even after marriage.
Don’t want to get married you say, so why wait? Well, there’s data to support that scenario too.
Sharon Sassler and her colleagues at Cornell University found that rapid sexual involvement has adverse long-term implications on relationship quality.
“Adequate time is required for romantic relationships to develop in a healthy way. In contrast, relationships that move too quickly, without adequate discussion of the goals and long-term desires of each partner, may be insufficiently committed and therefore result in relationship distress, especially if one partner is more committed than the other.”
Couples that engage in sex too soon create counterfeit intimacy. These fast, intense feelings of lust or infatuation are often confused with true love.
This counterfeit love currency is then cashed in on major life purchases, like buying a house together or adopting a dog.
That basically means having sex early on in a relationship creates an imbalance which can include unhealthy communication patterns, and rushes to judgement on major life decisions. Such preemptive entanglement is hard to unravel. Often couples will passively follow what’s easiest and proceed with poor life choices instead of interrupting the status quo.
Love > Libido
They say true love is worth waiting for, but some people view hooking up more casually than others.
Be willing to have an honest conversation about sex and intimacy with your partner. Even if you haven’t defined the relationship yet. Communicate what each of you are seeking before you bring sex into the relationship. Otherwise someone is going to get the short end of the proverbial stick.
Simply ask yourself—do you want to nurture a long-lasting relationship built on a foundation of partnership and love or are you just looking to feed your libido? No judgement here. You get to choose, but be sure to discuss it before clothes start hitting the floor.
Click here for more information about Safety and Sexual Health.