Man in Suit Cuddles Woman - Keep romance Alive

The Top 4 Ways to Keep Romance Alive

There are only 4 words you need to know to keep romance alive. I call them the 4 P’s to Relationship Success—Prioritize, Plan, Play, and Participate.

1. Prioritize

People prioritize time and energy for the things and people that are important to them. Is your relationship at the top of your list?

Now, you don’t necessarily need to write down your priorities and rank them, but you’re certainly welcome to. Does finding a relationship rank up there with your career?

I would bet you work more than 40 hours every week. But let me ask you, how many hours are you spending really making your love life a priority? If you’re in a relationship—how much work do you do to keep romance alive between the two of you?

Good news! With The Setup, you don’t have to put hours of time and energy into your love life to make it a top priority. There’s no endless swiping or meaningless texting. Your Matchmaker does all the behind-the-scenes work to vet out any potential deal-breakers. We weed through all of the candidates to find the ones best suited to you, then we set you up!

2. Plan

In the Rom-Coms, there’s always a spontaneous meet-cute. On reality TV, the couple just happens upon a concert or hot air balloon while strolling through the park.

But those things don’t happen in real life.

A team of writers came up with that scenario. You never see the part where The Bachelor has to sign a waiver before climbing in the basket of a hot air balloon. 

My point is, it takes a lot of planning to keep romance alive. 

You don’t have to commission a yacht to plan a great date. A little goes a long way. Think about your partner’s Love Language and organize a day around filling their love tank

3. Play

Couples who play together, stay together.

There’s a reason so many people say a sense of humor is an important factor when looking for a potential mate. In fact, being able to laugh at the same things, and create inside jokes makes a relationship even stronger, according to Dr. Jeffrey Hall.

Laughter is mother nature’s medicine. Try visiting a comedy club on your next date and see if it doesn’t help seal the bond. 

Does your partner prefer physical activities? Try a trampoline park. Maybe they’re more on the competitive side? Learn a new obscure sport together. Do they enjoy embarrassing themself at Karaoke?

Plan something together you know they’ll enjoy, something that allows you to be silly together and get out of your day-to-day routine. Try to get out of your own comfort zone and try something new! They’ll appreciate your effort to keep the romance alive.

4. Participate

Speaking of effort. How much effort are you putting into the relationship compared to your partner? Are things pretty even or could one of you seriously pick up the slack?

It’s common for relationships to fluctuate, but if there is a constant imbalance, it’s time to reexamine things

Relationships are not passive. To succeed, they require active participation from both parties.

Love is an actionable verb. You have to wake up every single day and choose to love your partner. Play with them. Plan things to make them feel special. Make them a priority in your life, and you’re sure to keep romance alive.

Couple Cuddling in the Park - Date a Doctor

#SuccessfulSingles: How to Date a Doctor

At The Setup, we specialize in setting up like-minded, career-oriented singles and sending them out on their last first date. So, we thought it would be helpful to look at the pros and cons of different jobs when it comes to dating. The COVID finish line is finally in sight, but after the time we’ve had I figured we should start off with How to Date a Doctor!

Dating apps can seem harmless, but they have their fair share dangers, especially for wealthy or high-profile individuals. Making your love life public can lead to all sorts of dangerous or uncomfortable situations. 

The Setup is a discreet matchmaking service. Our members undergo detailed evaluations and a thorough background screen, so we know who we’re setting you up with!

How to Date a Doctor

It can be virtually impossible for a medical professional to carve time out of their busy schedule to sort through pages of dating profiles.

You can make some pretty fair assumptions even before the first date. For instance, the guy finished Med School, so you know he’s smart, driven, and committed. All highly-coveted characteristics in a mate. 

When dating a doctor, you can expect additional quarantine and/or sanitation policies and procedures. I wouldn’t advise an anti-masker or anti-vaxxer to date a doctor. Remember the Pandemic is not forever, but there may be times throughout his or her career that will require additional medical precautions.

Their patients come first. There will be many times that you will have to take a bit of a backseat to your partner’s work. Put your ego aside and try to put yourself in the patient’s shoes. Are your dinner reservations really that important in the grand scheme of life and death?

Dating a doctor requires you to exercise patience and flexibility. There will be late nights, long hours, and weekends on-call. So, learn to love your alone time. Sometimes, they will have to cancel plans. That doesn’t mean you’re being ghosted or you don’t matter.

Avoid making concrete plans that cannot be altered like tickets to an event or travel arrangements without consulting them first. If something on their schedule keeps them from going, you’re left holding the tickets.

Doctors have often experienced emotional trauma at work. Studies show many health care workers experience similar Post-Traumatic Stress symptoms as combat veterans. It’s important that you can be a safe place for your partner to land after a taxing shift. If they need to unload, just listen to them.

Give them a shoulder rub, open their favorite bottle of wine, find a light-hearted show you both love. Try to help them unwind after a long shift. Doctors spend all their time giving of themselves to their patients. It’s good for them to have a partner who fills their love tank at the end of a long day.

Now that you’ve learned how to date a doctor...what profession do you want us to cover next?

Couple on Date at Fair - Join the Setup

Why Should You Join The Setup?

Most people have never considered hiring a Matchmaker before; that’s okay! We understand that this is a complicated product that requires a time investment as much as a financial investment. That scares a lot of people away. Today I want to tell you why you should join The Setup!

But think of it this way, dating in any capacity requires time and effort to achieve any sense of success. If we’re being honest, that’s true for most things in life. 

What are your alternatives? Endless hours spent swiping on random profiles? Let your mom set you up again? Speed dating?

In actuality, when you join The Setup, we a lot of the work off your shoulders. We do all the behind-the-scenes work to curate your introductions. All you have to do is show up and be yourself.

In his book, The Tipping Point, Malcolm Gladwell introduces the concept of Connectors.

“The point about Connectors is that by having a foot in so many different worlds, they have the effect of bringing them all together.”

Our Matchmakers are natural Connectors. They cross social circles to facilitate introductions among people who share mutual goals or values. 

Invest in the Important Things

“Why would I hire a Matchmaker? I’m perfectly capable of setting up my own dates.”

There are tons of online tax services out there, but people still hire accountants. It’s perfectly normal to consult a professional about something that could potentially alter your life. We’re dating experts. Our staff is specially trained and certified to help you find a compatible life partner. 

You can’t be great at everything all the time. Most of our clients kick ass in their careers and other areas, but struggle where their love lives are concerned. 

You know how right before you start a new fitness routine, you invest in new sneakers and workout clothes to get your mind in the right place? This helps you mentally commit to the new regimen.

Anyone can flippantly swipe through the apps with no real investment. But you know anyone we set you up with has been thoroughly interviewed and screened and invested as much into the process as you have. They’ve worked with their Matchmaker to plan out their goals and dream up their ideal partner, and somehow, you fit into that mold. 

When you join The Setup, you are saying that finding love is a priority in your life.

Ask Us the Awkward Questions

If you need help picking out an outfit for your date, or analyzing something they said over dessert, we’re here for that too!

Want to get out of your own way and overcome some deal-breakers?

Your friends and family mean well, but sometimes their advice sucks. Leave it to the professionals! Your Personal Dating Assistant (PDA) is available throughout the process to help make your dating experience as stress-free and successful as possible. 

Don’t forget we conduct background screens and in-depth interviews before taking on a new client, so we know who we’re setting you up with. #Nocreepsallowed So what are you waiting for? Ready to put your love life in the experts’ hands? Join The Setup today.

Couple at Sports Bar During one of their First Few Dates

Ask the Experts: 5 Tips for the First Few Dates

The most important thing to remember early on, especially in those first few dates, is to remain present. Stay in the moment and just enjoy one another’s company. This is the easiest way to combat any anxieties or fears you have during the first few dates. 

First things first. Take a deep breath and relax. And remember, your specially-trained Matchmaker is here to help coach you through every step of the process. 

It's Not a Date

I can promise you this—everyone has first date fears and jitters. So much so, that I often hesitate to even use the word date for a first meeting between matches.

Date has a romantic connotation, and while matchmaking is obviously a service for people seeking romance, it would be unrealistic to expect every single first date to end in a love connection. 

We can eliminate some of those first date fears simply by eliminating the word date. 

Your first setup with a new match should be quick; I always encourage my clients to have a short, 30-minute drink before committing to a dinner date. Whether you get coffee, a craft beer, a green juice, or a pre-dinner cocktail, keeping things short and sweet will help alleviate everyone’s anxiety. 

We alway encourage a 3 Date Rule, so after your first setup, you should go for an activity next. Sharing experiences is a natural way to start forming a bond, and it will help you both loosen up and have a little fun while you get to know one another.

When you sit across the dinner table from a complete stranger, it’s easy to notice and panic every time there is a slight lull in conversation. When people get nervous, they talk too much

When you’re actively participating in an activity together, those lulls are less noticeable and feel more natural. By the time you go on a dinner date, you’ll have plenty to talk about. 

It's a Setup

Let’s face it, we all put an enormous amount of pressure on ourselves. In a high-stress situation, like the first few dates, that pressure often bleeds over and can cause damage if not kept in check.

Some go into every encounter with the opposite sex hoping it turns into marriage and a white picket fence. Others are so picky they will write their date off in the first 5 minutes for something trivial.

Both of these approaches are incorrect.

Let’s think about it from a business perspective. When you were a novice in your career, you didn’t go into every single job interview expecting to not only get the job, but to retire from that company. Alternatively, would you turn down your dream job because you didn’t like the break room?

Take the pressure off and just enjoy each other’s company.

Get Your Mind Right

You should go into every first date looking for three things you like, appreciate, or enjoy about the person. That’s it. Just three. But by focusing your efforts on finding positive traits in the person sitting across from you, you can overcome the silly things that put you in a negative headspace.

So you hated his shoes? If you’re really looking for lasting love, overlook the shoes. Does his lifestyle align with yours? Do you have similar goals in life? Did he make you feel safe and special? Did he match your sense of humor? Was he charming? Kind? Handsome? Punctual? Try to focus on the things about him you would like in a partner, even if you know he’s not a fit. 

Pay Attention to Red Flags

In addition to making a concerted effort to find three things of value, it’s equally important to gather information about the things you don’t like. Especially if those things enter into deal-breaker territory.

If you learn she has a pet you’re highly allergic to, that’s probably not going to be a long-lasting relationship.

Take mental notes.

Everything that happens between the two of you is data and information that will be helpful to your Matchmaker in facilitating your next match. Sharing three positives in addition to candidly discussing all the reasons you know he or she is not for you with your Matchmaker will help in your search to find love.

Even bad dates are good dates, because you learn what you don’t want, and so does your matchmaker. We use each and every interaction to fine-tune your profile, so that we can find someone who checks off your most important boxes.

Don't Start Planning Your Wedding

Let’s say you’re matched with a wonderful woman. You meet up at a new smoothie spot and things go great. That weekend, the two of you play a round of golf together, and you take her to dinner later in the week.

It all goes better than you had hoped.

You’ve now had three very positive, promising interactions with a woman you’re attracted to and have common interests with. It’s impossible to keep the daydreams at bay.

This is where I urge you to pause and set realistic expectations. 

There is nothing wrong with being hopeful and dreaming of happily ever after. We all wish for that.

Dating can be and should be fun. It’s natural to have hope that this develops into a relationship filled with love and trust and acceptance, and all the things that Maslow told us humans need to survive.

Feel the butterflies. Get excited while you get ready. But, trust in the process, and don’t get ahead of yourself. Just take it one date at a time.

Allow love the opportunity to grow and develop naturally without any unnecessary pressure or stress. Stay present throughout each date, give it your undivided attention, gather data, and don’t get in your own way. If you are able to do all of this, you can overcome all of the fears you have going into the first few dates. 

Man & Woman Get Over their Deal-Breakers and Embrace Happily

How to Break Up With Your Deal-Breakers

Let’s talk about deal-breakers. We all have them.

Deal-breakers can mean different things to different people, so for the purpose of this article, let’s define them as criteria you use to disqualify a potential match before ever even meeting them.

We all have them, but they’re not all created equal, we’ll talk more about Boundaries and Barriers in a bit.

Below, I’ve compiled a list of dealbreakers (in no particular order) that I’ve heard consistently over the years. Some might seem silly to you, but they are quite serious to another person. 

  • Divorce
  • Career Type
  • Religion
  • Political Affiliation
  • Dietary Restrictions
  • Body Shape
  • Height
  • Zodiac Sign
  • Education Level
  • Smokers
  • Cat Owners
  • Children
  • Distance
  • Race
  • Ethnicity
  • Virginity
  • Age

We once had a client refuse a date after learning his match was lactose intolerant. I know a woman who has a strict no Geminis policy. I could go on for days, but you catch my drift.

The first step to getting over some of your more trivial deal-breakers is to write out a list. Take some time to really mull this over and create a comprehensive list of all your must-haves for a potential match.

You’re the only person who will ever see this, so don’t be afraid or ashamed, just be honest.

It doesn’t matter if they’re big or small. Just add them all to the list. Don’t worry, we will whittle it down later. 

Boundaries & Barriers

Now, it’s time to separate your deal breakers into two categories.

Boundaries are good things; they keep us safe and allow us autonomy to rule over our own being.

Barriers on the other hand, get in our way and keep us from achieving our goals. They act as metaphorical roadblocks to our success.

For instance, rejecting a long distance relationship because you know you need Physical Touch and Quality Time to be happy—that is a Boundary. 

Excluding anyone who doesn’t reside within a 5-mile radius of your front door is a Barrier. You’re needlessly shrinking your pool of potential matches to a minute scale, making your Matchmaker’s job impossible.

Keep in mind, a lot of this depends on you and your situation as much as the other person. Let me give you a couple of examples.

I will not date anyone with a cat.

  • Boundary: if you have a severe allergy
  • Barrier: if you just prefer dogs

I will only date Catholics.

  • Boundary: if you’re a practicing Catholic
  • Barrier: if you haven’t been to mass since you were a child

I will not date someone who has children.

  • Boundary: if you don’t have or want kids
  • Barrier: if you have kids from a previous relationship

Now, I want you to reflect on your list. Organize each one into either the Boundary or Barrier column.

Breaking Up with Your Deal-Breakers

Next, I want you to rank your list of Boundaries in order of importance. Then, do the same with your Barriers.

Those Barriers are starting to seem a little less important now, huh? Some of them may even feel kind of dumb. That’s a good thing! That means getting over them is going to be easier than you thought.

Starting with the lowest-ranked Barrier, think through each of your deal-breakers. Go deep. Make another list of pros and cons for each if you need to. Ask yourself the following question:

If you met the single most gorgeous guy on the planet tomorrow, and he possessed a myriad of positive characteristics, would this one single thing eliminate him in your mind as boyfriend material?

If the answer is yes, then you’re not ready to let go of that deal-breaker just yet. That’s alright, some of us are just pickier than others. But it’s important that you know that about yourself and have patience with your Matchmaker. 

If the answer is no, or even maybe with a qualifier, then let’s see if we can work through it.

Is there an underlying reason for your deal-breakers? Try to get to the core of your desire for wanting or needing that specific trait in a partner.

Maybe it’s not that you have to date a Catholic, but just that you desire a partner of faith and a good moral compass. Perhaps you don’t necessarily need someone with a graduate degree, as long as they’re intelligent and ambitious. 

Your Matchmaker will be able to shed some light on your particular situation and teach you how to increase your scope of potential matches.

Playful Couple Cuddles on Couch Laughing at Bad Dating Advice

Don’t Listen to Bad Dating Advice

We have all received outdated, unsolicited, downright bad dating advice from friends, family, acquaintances, maybe even complete strangers. You know that nosey aunt who shares way too much information and inserts her opinion into everyone’s life? She says things like:

Don’t listen to that lady and her bad dating advice.

Rules are meant to be broken. It’s a new decade, so take all the bad bad dating advice you’ve been told throughout the years erase it from your memory.

There is an entire genre of self-help books dedicated to dating advice, much of which is solid, data-based research, but an equal amount is opinion-based and anecdotal. As they say, don’t believe everything you read. 

Love is Magical

Soulmates, twin flames, love at first sight, happily ever after—these are the types of magical love we strive for from our very first bedtime story. 

Real life love is much more practical. Don’t get me wrong, it has its magical moments when you swear the earth stops spinning. But true love, the kind that lasts forever, is a choice that must be made every single day.

Love is a verb as much as it is a noun.

The worst dating advice I ever heard was: If there is no chemistry on the first date, it’s not worth pursuing.

Attraction is not limited to our primal instincts, even though it may feel that way sometimes. As feelings of love and admiration develop, so does that magical, unexplainable spark.

Don’t write someone off right away. Some of our strongest matches have come from couples that we initially had to talk into going on a second date.

Remember the Three Date Rule!

Keep Conversations Light

We’ve talked about the opposite end of this spectrum: oversharing. You don’t want to share too much too soon, but you also don’t want to avoid meaningful conversations that occur naturally. As the relationship progresses, you should feel comfortable opening up about more sensitive topics like family goals, career dreams, and wishes for the future.

Imagine investing months into someone only to find out your goals for the future couldn’t be more opposite. You want to marry and raise a family, but she has different dreams.

By not defining the relationship and communicating your needs, you run the risk of wasting a lot of time dating people who aren’t a viable match. 

Be Your Best Self

We’re taught to be on our best behavior in all new relationships, and it’s true—to an extent. On a first date, at a new job, or even with a budding friendship, it’s always important to put your best foot forward. 

As Miranda Lambert put it, Hide your crazy and start acting like a lady.

But there comes a time in every new relationship, where both parties have to be vulnerable, let their guard down, and show their flaws. If this doesn’t occur, the connection will remain in surface-level acquaintanceship territory rather than growing into something deeper.

Often in new relationships, people will behave how they think their partner wants them to behave. This leads to a myriad of problems.

If you’re not behaving as you normally would, your partner doesn’t truly get to know you. She may fall in love with a false version of you. This often leads her to a sense of feeling defrauded. And you’re left feeling as if your partner never truly knew you after all. 

In trying to be everything your partner wants, you’ll end up losing your sense of self.

Communicating one’s needs, expectations, and boundaries is key for building the foundation of any new relationship. 

You’re finishing up dessert on your third date, when your partner suggests a bar across town for a nightcap. You know you have an important meeting first thing in the morning, but you don’t want to upset him, so you say yes. Unfortunately, while you’re sharing a drink an hour later, the mood has shifted. Now, you’re in your head, stressed out about the morning, and constantly checking your phone. Your date studies you closely for some sign of what caused the flip after dinner, but ultimately he’s left clueless.

If you had set boundaries and explained why you needed to go home after dessert, you could have both ended the night on a high note, excited for your next date. 

Have you listened to bad dating advice in the past? It’s not too late to purge all that junk from your mind. Just remember, not all advice is good advice! When in doubt, ask your Matchmaker

Couple with Sparklers on NYE - Reflect on Your Life

Reflect on Your Life Cause the Roaring 20s are Here

We don’t often take time out of our daily lives to really dig deep and self assessment. So, that’s exactly what I want you to do today. Take a few deep, cleansing breaths, and reflect on your life. Think about your life, decisions, relationships, triumphs and trials. 

What lessons have helped shape you as a person? What is most important to you as we move through the roaring 20s? What do you hope to achieve? What sort of plans can you implement right now to start moving the needle in that direction? Do you have a bad habit you need to ditch? Do you want to find your life partner?

Now, the good news is you can start manifesting these things and making bold changes to achieve your dreams right now. 

Reflect on Your Life

Change doesn’t come easily. In fact, it often goes against our very nature, but it’s a necessary part of life. After you reflect on your life thus far, it will be easier to make concrete plans for a better future. 

What needs to fundamentally change for you to make room for love in your life? Maybe there’s an ex you need to let go of, or a heartbreak you haven’t fully healed from. Are your deal-breakers getting in the way of your happiness? Perhaps, the last decade just beat you down a few too many times.

The Pandemic has certainly been a worldwide wake up call. Life is short. Now is the time to be brave, bold, and confident enough to take those first steps. Your matchmaker can help you nurture the positives in your life and create a solid foundation for you to find love.

Make the Years Matter

Step outside your comfort zone and make this year worthwhile. We only have so many trips around the sun, don’t you want to spend them living your dreams? 

Do you have your eye on someone new? Is there a coworker you want to get to know better? Valentine’s Day is almost here; gather the courage to send them a card or small gift

If you’re in the early stages of a new relationship. You don’t want to overwhelm your partner by going all out before they’re ready. Open a dialogue, ask them what they think of the holiday and what sort of expectations they have surrounding it. Share your feelings as well, you’ll avoid a lot of awkwardness and embarrassment this way.

If you’re single, gather your single friends and go do a fun activity like a mixology class. Host a murder mystery party or trivia night. Try to avoid places where couples are going to be in full PDA mode. If you send yourself flowers to work, the last thing your self-esteem needs is to witness a proposal occur at the next table over.

Stay in and spoil yourself with your favorite take out and a nice bottle of wine. Treat yourself to a spa day. Self-care is your first line of defense

Many of our single clients report feeling excessive loneliness when they don’t have someone to share Valentine’s Day with. But, I have an insider tip to bring you a bit of peace and solace.

You’re not alone; a lot of people who are in happy, healthy, long-term relationships also hate Valentine’s Day.

Often, this happens because one party desperately wants to celebrate it, but the other party perceives it as a frivolous holiday. This leads to conflict and disappointment. 

Instead, shower your partner with love and affection regularly, not just when you feel a sense of obligation.

Whether you’re happily loved-up, completely alone, or exploring a budding relationship, Valentine’s Day can be stressful. No matter how you choose to spend it. Afterward, reflect on your life and make a plan for how you hope to spend the next one. 

Group of Friends Online Dating in a Bar

The Online Dating App-idemic

Move over COVID, there’s a new epidemic in town. The Online Dating App-idemic affects single people of all ages and walks of life, but Millennials are especially vulnerable.  

About 80% of human communication is non-verbal.

When you’re meeting and flirting online, you lose all sense of body language. It’s also difficult to discern things like sarcasm and playfulness, so conversations often feel boring or confusing.

Scary Stories

Every time you pick up your phone it’s a gamble. One minute it’s a funny gif from The Office, the next it’s a close up of a stranger’s genitals. Ask your friends, I guarantee they have at least one dating app disaster story.

  • Erin agreed to pick up her date after he told her he wasn’t medically cleared to drive. When she arrived, she realized he was just really really drunk.
  • Maddi carries an EpiPen for her shellfish allergy. On her first date with a doctor, he tried to feed her shrimp off his plate. When she politely, but insistently refused, he declined a second date.
  • Alex’s date told him she just started a new job. When he asked her what she had been doing previously, she said just one word—prison.
  • Liam used a photo from his own wedding as his profile picture. He didn’t even crop his ex-wife out entirely.
  • The day before Christina’s date, he texted to ask what kind of food she liked. She said, “I’m not picky, I like everything except seafood!” She thought it was weird that he took her to Red Lobster, until the bill came. He whipped out a gift certificate. 

Option Overload

In his book, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, Mark Manson says, "Basically, the more options we're given, the less satisfied we become with whatever we choose because we're aware of all the other options we're potentially forfeiting."

This is known as the Paradox of Choice.

According to the Association for Psychological Science, critiquing multiple candidates causes people to be more judgmental. This makes you more likely to dismiss a perfectly good candidate for something trivial.

This can also have an effect on commitment. When you have access to hundreds of potential dates in your pocket, how do you stay focused on one person? Is there motivation to work through the hard times or will people start giving up on long-term relationships, constantly chasing the honeymoon phase?

Is the grass greener on the other side?

When asked to choose between a committed relationship or something casual, 87% of women, and 61% of men said they wanted a serious relationship. The problem is the apps are designed to make you crave quantity over quality.

App Addiction

Each time you feel your phone go off, your brain gives you a small hit of dopamine. That means physiologically, online dating gets you hooked in the same way addictive substances do.

One study showed the average Tinder user spends over 90 minutes per day swiping and chatting in the app. Another report says Millennials spend about 10 hours per week online dating. That’s like having a #sidehustle you don’t get paid for. 

There is a gamification element to swiping as well. Whenever you get a notification, it feels like you’ve won somehow. Even if you have no intention of ever meeting that person, just the match alone gives you a fix. This is how people get addicted to things like video games and gambling. 

In fact, dating apps were designed with the same psychological principles as Vegas slot machines. They hijack your pleasure centers and create a false reward system

Think about it, how many times have you deleted and reinstalled your go-to app? It creates a toxic environment where the app makes you feel bad about yourself, so you delete it. Then, you start feeling lonely, and that makes you feel bad too. So you download it all over again. 

“People who self-described as having really addictive-style behaviors toward the internet and cell phones scored much higher on depression and anxiety scales. With growing support for the connection between technology use and mental health, the relationship between motivation for cell phone or internet use and well-being warrants further exploration.” -Alejandro Lleras

The number of bots and spam accounts would shock you. Some apps even hire employees who chat with users under fake profiles in order to engage them in the app more. 

Rejection Remorse

In a 2010 study, researchers at Rutgers University found that looking at your ex triggers the same part of the brain as a cocaine addiction, creating an obsession with romantic rejection. About half of all messages go unanswered, so people are experiencing rejection on an unprecedented level.

The human brain can’t tell the difference between physical and emotional pain—rejection literally hurts

"This phenomenon is a legacy of our hunter-gatherer past, when we lived in nomadic tribes. Back when a person couldn't survive alone without their tribe, "rejection served as an early warning system that alerted us we were in danger of being ostracized—of being voted off the island."

-Dr. Guy Winch, Psychologist and Author of Emotional First Aid: Healing Rejection, Guilt, Failure, and Other Everyday Hurts

Before the apps, people had to take a chance and flirt in person, so they might get rejected a few times at a bar on Friday night. Now, they might get rejected 5 times by their phone while they’re sitting in a bar also being shot down. That will take a toll on the most confident person’s self-esteem.

Did you know that one third of online daters have never met anyone IRL that they matched with on the apps?

Bad Behavior

The screen gives users a sense of anonymity, which often leads to them acting out in ways they probably wouldn’t otherwise. There’s a certain level of anonymity to online dating. Most of the time, you’re swiping, messaging, and meeting complete strangers. You likely don’t have common friends and run in very different circles.

This allows one to pull off a disappearing act quite easy. Over half of today’s daters claim to have first-hand experience with Ghosting, many going a step further to Haunting.

Out of 1,000 people surveyed, 53% admitted to lying on their profile

Going beyond typical bad behavior, there is a darker side to the internet.

Romance scams reached new heights in 2020. Scammers saw how many Americans were stuck in quarantine, and they acted. The Federal Trade Commission reported a record $304 million lost in romance scams throughout 2020. That’s up 50% from the previous year.

Whether it’s a light case of hatfishing or a deep fake, the internet is filled with liars and phonies.

“Women should be aware that they probably will receive rude/disgusting messages from horny guys, sexual propositions/requests, nude pics, and a lot of creepy vibes.” -Ryan Anderson, Ph.D

It’s not uncommon to receive messages on apps containing vulgar or abusive content. Explicit requests, violent threats, unsolicited’s like the Wild West of sexual harassment out there. Please, be safe.

Estimates show at the rate things are going, by 2040 70% of couples will have met online. So, online dating isn't going away anytime soon. If anything, they will probably get more Black Mirror-y as artificial intelligence evolves.

So, what do you say? Are you ready to get off the apps and into a meaningful relationship? Stop swiping, and join The Setup today